Reflection
By the grace and mercy of the Father, the believer is kept from stumbling to destruction during the long journey of life and will be presented blameless and pure before the throne of God. As followers of Christ, we must keep ourselves in the love of God as we anxiously wait for the return of the Messiah. During this time of waiting, we are promised that God will keep us in His hands and we will not stumble away from His great purpose. Instead, nothing will snatch us away (John 10:29) and we will reside with Him for eternity!
Mat 3:15 And Jesus answering said unto him, Suffer [it to be so] now: for thus it becometh us to fulfil all righteousness. Then he suffered him.
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If you have read the shack, then you will understand. If not, I hope you understand. If you cant understand, I pray for your understanding... I have lived my life in such a way that has brought myself and others harm.. And I have been searching for answers for a long time.. I have fallen short according to some, according to myself. And I am finally released from the ties that have bound me to material things and people causing me harm. I have been called back to my family. I have been called back to my home church. I have been called into the lives of others whom have prayed for change. I have been called to Jesus.
Some may call this repenting, but I call it saved.
I have lived my life running from conviction and sin and it has slapped me in my face.
I have been guided to this point in my life through those who have never turned their back on me, as i have them. I have denied love and embraced lust. I have spoken to deaf ears and finally people listen to what I have to say.
I have been called to help those in need.
I have been called into God's work.
Those of you who have never known me, I pray that you begin to understand my story.
I pray that those in small towns running from the sins of those before them will be able to come together in Christ to help with this change. It takes a community to raise a child, and in my community there have been prayers for change.
I risk the loss of relationships and friendships, I pray that this does not happen.
I have had to separate believers from nonbelievers so I can see clearly the path before me.
I pray the path leads to you.
I understand people do not respond to offensive presentation of God and Jesus, I am not at your house with a Bible.
I understand God has a plan for everyone's salvation, and it is up to the works of loved ones and miracles to provide a catalyst for change.
I have prayed for a catalyst. Those people who have known me throughout my life have prayed for this catalyst.
I am praying for a catalyst and am seeing Christians unite for the common good of others.
I will have the opportunity to speak to my community so that others may no longer live the life I have lived.
I am referring to many sins, not just a few.
I am referring to all sins.
For a long time, I did not feel conviction for sin.
It slapped me in my face this weekend.
I pray for a shield, I pray for love, I pray for strength and mercy and wisdom for myself and the Miracle Workers I have talked to over the past few days.
And know, I am led by faith and prayer and my grandmother.
And above all, Jesus.
Amen.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Divine Intervention
Has happened. If you don't believe, there is a problem. Not my judgement to call, it is yours. I know a lot of you have known me in my past. But I will walk in Faith with my Savior. He leads me now. Watch Christ work through me. And believe. Read the lyrics to Amazing Grace if you need a sign that this is real. God Bless, God Speed, I love you and pray for you. If you need me in your life to help you in any way, God will lead you.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
My 26th Birthday
Lord I pray that this miracle I see around me and I feel inside my body.
inside my mind.
inside my soul.
transforms those around me.
Take my story and let me be an example.
Bring people into my life and help me grow as i help them grow.
Show everyone who makes a decision, makes an effort, and breaks through Satan's grasp
And continues to fight his stronghold
How love works.
What love is.
Make my body a vessel and release me from the demons I placed in my life.
Use me as a tool to guide and show people how to walk by faith.
Lord you took my worry away a long time ago, just as i prayed for, just as I needed.
And you allowed me to hit rock bottom.
Thank God for lessons learned
And thank God for mercy upon my soul.
Lord I thank you for talking to me and and talking through me.
I feel dirt on my body and peace in my soul.
I feel that there is not enough time for me to show my gratitude to the people in my life who changed my life over the past few days.
It is a pretty amazing feeling to call Carla Woods out of nowhere and have her tell me that she has been praying for me.
And Uncle Bill to tell me he prays for me 3 times every night.
And to listen to the sound of my cousin's voice when she cries because she is happy that I am happy.
It is amazing to be able to talk to the people who listen to me, actually listen to me, and hear me.
And its ever so amazing that the hurt and pain and confusion I have experienced in my life has brought me to this moment and left me at your doorstep.
It is amazing that during my entire life I avoided alter call just because I did not want to stand out any more than I already did. Lord forgive me for denying you.
Lord my mind is filled with the exact thing I never knew I needed, I thought I had already.
Truth.
inside my mind.
inside my soul.
transforms those around me.
Take my story and let me be an example.
Bring people into my life and help me grow as i help them grow.
Show everyone who makes a decision, makes an effort, and breaks through Satan's grasp
And continues to fight his stronghold
How love works.
What love is.
Make my body a vessel and release me from the demons I placed in my life.
Use me as a tool to guide and show people how to walk by faith.
Lord you took my worry away a long time ago, just as i prayed for, just as I needed.
And you allowed me to hit rock bottom.
Thank God for lessons learned
And thank God for mercy upon my soul.
Lord I thank you for talking to me and and talking through me.
I feel dirt on my body and peace in my soul.
I feel that there is not enough time for me to show my gratitude to the people in my life who changed my life over the past few days.
It is a pretty amazing feeling to call Carla Woods out of nowhere and have her tell me that she has been praying for me.
And Uncle Bill to tell me he prays for me 3 times every night.
And to listen to the sound of my cousin's voice when she cries because she is happy that I am happy.
It is amazing to be able to talk to the people who listen to me, actually listen to me, and hear me.
And its ever so amazing that the hurt and pain and confusion I have experienced in my life has brought me to this moment and left me at your doorstep.
It is amazing that during my entire life I avoided alter call just because I did not want to stand out any more than I already did. Lord forgive me for denying you.
Lord my mind is filled with the exact thing I never knew I needed, I thought I had already.
Truth.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Proust Questionnaire
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
helpless/hopeless; the point of no return, rock bottom, unable to right a wrong, in the theory... the dark before the dawn.
Where would you like to live?
in a place i have yet to discover- and it might, JUST MIGHT, be on our family farm. that land has entirely too much meaning for all the harris cousins not to build a community out there. that was a bit extreme, but i dont know where i will be living next month, much less during my life. and because some of you might be interested, my grandfather whom was killed in 1959 in a car accident bought the land so my grandmother could dabble her toes in the pond...
What is your idea of earthly happiness? the quest for truth along with the quest for knowledge. wanting what you have instead of what you cant have. the serenity prayer might just sum that one up. see the previous question...
To what faults do you feel most indulgent? the inability to view life as another sees it which has the potential to cause extreme prejudice and hate.
Who are your favorite heroes of fiction? those that, like the phoenix, rose from the ashes. those that laugh at a challenge and conquer it. the example that comes to mind first is anne frank, albeit considered nonfiction... but this is my answer and therefore i choose to alter the question.
Who are your favorite characters in history?
well shoot. see above. ill also give a shout out to the great thinkers whom stepped out of the box and 'lived' opposed to 'existed.' ben franklin comes to mind. he was an interesting fellow.
Who are your favorite heroines in real life? my grandmother. one day ill post the eulogy i delivered at her funeral. in addition, the great teachers of my life, ill try to compose a brief list.... ms weeks because she taught me gentleness and fairness in 3rd grade. mrs beasley, even if she paddled me for excessive talking, mrs chism because she showed strength, mrs chandler because she showed me my passion for english and cultivated my ability to write as well as the appreciation for dramatics and theatre, mrs gartman because she actually loved us and wanted to share that love while teaching government and economics, mrs rector because i loved to watch that woman think haha, mrs brame because of her ability to make the sciences interesting + the lighter side of life (there is no 'sprinkler move' like a big girl 'sprinkler move.' dr ramsey at bevill because he made me really understand my abilty with words and that i have a gift for writing, and heather gosa whitley. (you ready whit?) from the 8th grade throughout my high school career, and even now, she believes in me and truly listens. and she let me help her with her grad school work during high school. there is not enough time or space for that shout out.
Who are your favorite heroines of fiction?
:-) the characters of historical romance, i.e. kingdom of dreams. (that one was from kip, just saying. i had nothing to do with it.)
Your favorite painter? da vinci because his work tells stories that I can almost understand.
Your favorite musician? the ones whom tell a different story every time i listen to the song. american trilogy is my fave song fo sho...
The quality you most admire in a man? have you met my uncle bill?
The quality you most admire in a woman? im pretty sure i have already more than answered this.
Your favorite virtue? im still studying up on those, but because the first is temperance, ill mention that one.
Your favorite occupation? are you kidding me with this whooooaaa.... hahaha if you know me, then you can assume that i will put every occupation. lets see.... babysitting brandon sullivan sucked, snow biz was a GREAT job (jana, tell ur mom thanks) box office express was sometimes boring but it had great perks, cake decorating allowed me to express my creativity and working at gas for less allowed me to keep up my reading, clientlogic showed me that people who work at call centers are never as pretty as they sound to be, but have killer personalities... and lowes...... lowes has shown me that, although i do love my customers, people can be cruel in their disregard for the value of service workers. lowes has been the best growing experience and i cant find the words to show the gratitude to cc, steven gray, alice sexton, marcy, and everyone else that promoted my growth within the company. i could have stayed forever, but there is more out there for me.
Who would you have liked to be? my thoughts on this... the peacemakers, the healers, the wright brothers, amelia earhart, the lucky one who my grandfather talked to right after my grandmother said yes. he proposed to her via a letter and his mother while he served in WWII... or one of his ag students at apopka high school...
helpless/hopeless; the point of no return, rock bottom, unable to right a wrong, in the theory... the dark before the dawn.
Where would you like to live?
in a place i have yet to discover- and it might, JUST MIGHT, be on our family farm. that land has entirely too much meaning for all the harris cousins not to build a community out there. that was a bit extreme, but i dont know where i will be living next month, much less during my life. and because some of you might be interested, my grandfather whom was killed in 1959 in a car accident bought the land so my grandmother could dabble her toes in the pond...
What is your idea of earthly happiness? the quest for truth along with the quest for knowledge. wanting what you have instead of what you cant have. the serenity prayer might just sum that one up. see the previous question...
To what faults do you feel most indulgent? the inability to view life as another sees it which has the potential to cause extreme prejudice and hate.
Who are your favorite heroes of fiction? those that, like the phoenix, rose from the ashes. those that laugh at a challenge and conquer it. the example that comes to mind first is anne frank, albeit considered nonfiction... but this is my answer and therefore i choose to alter the question.
Who are your favorite characters in history?
well shoot. see above. ill also give a shout out to the great thinkers whom stepped out of the box and 'lived' opposed to 'existed.' ben franklin comes to mind. he was an interesting fellow.
Who are your favorite heroines in real life? my grandmother. one day ill post the eulogy i delivered at her funeral. in addition, the great teachers of my life, ill try to compose a brief list.... ms weeks because she taught me gentleness and fairness in 3rd grade. mrs beasley, even if she paddled me for excessive talking, mrs chism because she showed strength, mrs chandler because she showed me my passion for english and cultivated my ability to write as well as the appreciation for dramatics and theatre, mrs gartman because she actually loved us and wanted to share that love while teaching government and economics, mrs rector because i loved to watch that woman think haha, mrs brame because of her ability to make the sciences interesting + the lighter side of life (there is no 'sprinkler move' like a big girl 'sprinkler move.' dr ramsey at bevill because he made me really understand my abilty with words and that i have a gift for writing, and heather gosa whitley. (you ready whit?) from the 8th grade throughout my high school career, and even now, she believes in me and truly listens. and she let me help her with her grad school work during high school. there is not enough time or space for that shout out.
Who are your favorite heroines of fiction?
:-) the characters of historical romance, i.e. kingdom of dreams. (that one was from kip, just saying. i had nothing to do with it.)
Your favorite painter? da vinci because his work tells stories that I can almost understand.
Your favorite musician? the ones whom tell a different story every time i listen to the song. american trilogy is my fave song fo sho...
The quality you most admire in a man? have you met my uncle bill?
The quality you most admire in a woman? im pretty sure i have already more than answered this.
Your favorite virtue? im still studying up on those, but because the first is temperance, ill mention that one.
Your favorite occupation? are you kidding me with this whooooaaa.... hahaha if you know me, then you can assume that i will put every occupation. lets see.... babysitting brandon sullivan sucked, snow biz was a GREAT job (jana, tell ur mom thanks) box office express was sometimes boring but it had great perks, cake decorating allowed me to express my creativity and working at gas for less allowed me to keep up my reading, clientlogic showed me that people who work at call centers are never as pretty as they sound to be, but have killer personalities... and lowes...... lowes has shown me that, although i do love my customers, people can be cruel in their disregard for the value of service workers. lowes has been the best growing experience and i cant find the words to show the gratitude to cc, steven gray, alice sexton, marcy, and everyone else that promoted my growth within the company. i could have stayed forever, but there is more out there for me.
Who would you have liked to be? my thoughts on this... the peacemakers, the healers, the wright brothers, amelia earhart, the lucky one who my grandfather talked to right after my grandmother said yes. he proposed to her via a letter and his mother while he served in WWII... or one of his ag students at apopka high school...
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Peer Reflection: Preamble
Although I only have 26 years of experience, I feel that is enough to write this note to my peers. All too often, we have the feeling of being invincible, meaning that nothing can conquer us. I guess I should put this into first person because I can’t speak for you. I have lived my life in such a way that doesn’t put consequence into perspective. I tend to be impulsive and make decisions that affect me after the fact. On a large scale, consider the excessive spending by our government. Once thought to stimulate our economy, this money has gone into the savings accounts and debt payoff of our now seemingly sensible society, alliteration intended. On a small scale, consider the once recreational drug use we now see plaguing our small towns. A Lamar County native, I feel a warmth envelope me as I drive into Vernon. However, in the darkness looms a problem. This problem is not only in Vernon, it is across the world. Turn on the television, there is a problem. Go to the movies, there is a problem. Get in your car to go to the store on a Friday night and pray that someone who has been drinking and feels invincible enough to drive does not share your streets. And pray the same thing for your loved ones. All of us notice a drastic change in substance abuse spanning throughout our lives. It is a real problem and it does affect you. Last night on the news, my family caught the sight of young adults from their community that were caught up in the tragedy facing our youth. Some will overcome this need to escape reality by realizing they have a problem. Some will face an incident that will forever shape their lives and realize that they would rather live than die. Some will never have an opportunity to change. I have made decisions in my life that, upon reflection, could have killed me or someone else. I have a lot of past that I am not proud of. I have a wonderful family who opens up the door to listen to me anytime, and without judgment. I have friends who I consider family. There are people I want to scream at until they wake up, but most often I have found that these people just needed someone to listen to them. I did. I pray that each of you is blessed with loved ones who think about you, even when you aren’t with them. I pray that those of you who have constant battles with personal demons are able to overcome and share your testimony with others. I pray that every experience teaches us to grow and share and become interdependent, not codependent, on each other. I pray that this opens a window and lets a little sunlight in, forcing the darkness out. My God laughs at my haircut while some judge my character. My God blesses me more and more each day because I reach out to Him and to others I feel I can help ‘fix.’ My life is not perfect, has never been perfect, and will never be perfect, but I assure you that I am a work in progress. I have a wonderful support system and I thank God for each blessing I have received. May God bless you as you have read this, and as you make decisions that affect your life and the lives of those around you.
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